What do women find attractive in men? The research, as a scorecard
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Attraction scorecard
Eight questions on the traits research links to attraction, most of which you can build. Be honest; this is for you.
How do you treat people who can do nothing for you: waiters, strangers, people you disagree with?
What do women find attractive in men? What research actually shows, from kindness and humor to looks and status, turned into an honest scorecard you can act on.
By Still GravityPublished
What do women actually find attractive in men?
Kindness and intelligence first, then a cluster of things you can build: humor, curiosity, initiative, effort with your appearance, health and a full life. Looks matter too, as much for women as for men, but less than most men fear compared with everything else.
Kindness isn’t a nice-to-have. In studies where people designed an ideal partner on a tight budget, kindness and intelligence were necessities for both sexes, bought before anything else. Status and resources were also necessities for women, which is worth being honest about.
Do looks and money matter?
Looks do, money less than you’d think. Across 33 countries, women valued signs of resource acquisition more than men did when asked in surveys. But a meta-analysis of real attraction found that physical attractiveness predicted romantic interest about equally for both sexes, while earning prospects predicted it only weakly. What people say they want and who they actually like aren’t the same.
What can you build?
Most of it. Curiosity shows up as follow-up questions: in speed-dating data, people who asked more of them were liked more and got more second dates. Humor, grooming, fitness, initiative and friendships are habits, not fixed traits.
Initiative deserves a special mention. Suggesting the plan, picking the place and asking clearly are small acts that read as confidence, and they’re entirely in your control. So is effort with your appearance: clothes that fit, a decent haircut and good sleep change first impressions more than most men expect.
What should you work on first?
Your lowest score. Two habits for a month, one physical and one social, will move most men further than any line or trick. Then make it visible: in your photos, your first messages and the way you plan dates.
Putting it to use? Start with where to meet women or the match diagnosis. On a date, the first date question generator helps you show curiosity. The Situation Finder has the first move for flirting.
Questions men ask
What do women find most attractive in a man?
Research points to kindness and intelligence as must-haves, plus humor, confidence shown through initiative, effort with appearance and a full life. Looks matter too, for both sexes.
Do women care about looks?
Yes, about as much as men do in real interactions. A meta-analysis found physical attractiveness predicted romantic interest similarly for men and women.
Do women only care about money?
No. In surveys women rate resources higher than men do, but in real-life attraction, earning prospects predicted interest only weakly for both sexes.
Can I become more attractive?
Yes. Most of the traits on this scorecard, like grooming, fitness, curiosity, humor and initiative, are habits you can build.